Why I paused in March, April I gave self care tips I did lol… May and June… If only y’all knew the half of it.. But here is a small version of how my past months have been.
There was so much stuff that happened. The good part was I was able to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday. She was so happy to see me for her birthday. I had to work my daytime job and soon as I got off I rushed to see her. When I got there I could tell everyone was wearing masks and looking worried. I felt the world stop as I entered the floor from the elevator. Signs of caution everywhere.. I kind of was hearing about on the news but didn’t realize how serious it was because I am a homebody person anyways. But I was just there the day before and none of this had occurred. The whole world change in a matter of days. But I walked up to the nurse station and I asked could I still visit my loved one I was unaware of the changes. The nurse allowed me to visit her and that made everything better. Got my visitor sticker and walked to see my favorite girl in the whole wide world. I made sure she knew I loved her so much! We laughed we smiled and I fed her some ice chips and I kissed her and hugged her and told I loved her and I just knew she was coming home soon if we got to see each other everyday… Covid spiked so fast that the entire city and state shut down. Hospitals were closed unless your loved one was passing away. I could only talk to her on the phone so we talked for an entire month of April and we had some long good conversations about how we were going to fix her room and we would plan more things to do and go to church and May came and everything was so good my grandma was about to come home and my mom was about to stay home to take care of her and May 20, 2020 I lost my beautiful best friend. She gained her wings. Heaven received a beautiful angel. My grandmother. I will never forget her soft kisses and tight hugs and prayers. I paused because I lost the love of my life. I hit play because I know she wanted me to continue. She was my #1 fan she was always excited to hear me talk about my blog or my business and how I was going to get a big house and have her come live with me and we would visit others on the weekends when I was off work. We had it all planned it out. But God had other plans for my baby. I know she is with me everywhere I go and I can feel her presence. If you have lost a loved one during this pandemic my heart goes out to you and your family. One day the sun will shine again but for now I have to learn to live life without my entire heart. That is something I tell you, I understand now. Never knew what that felt like until now. I learned to continue to pray and dedicate my time in other places to grow from all these experiences this past year. I hope 2021 gives all of us more.